Grandmother

Well, it has been a long couple of weeks. About week and a half ago, we got the news that after suffering a severe stroke, my Grandmother was not going to make it. We decided to make the drive down to Wichita, to see her one last time and say our goodbyes. We left KC about 4:30 am and drove to the hospital were she was staying. I was secretly hoping that things would change and that when we got there she would say hi and she would ask us for her hug. Needless to say, it wasn't what I was hoping for and it was hard for me to see the strong and beautiful woman that I knew in such a helpless state. I remember thinking the whole drive down of what I wanted to say to her and what she meant to me and my family. When I got there and saw her I wasn't really able to say anything, it felt as if someone had just kicked me in the gut. We were blessed to be able to spend pretty much the whole day Sunday and Monday with family at the hospice facility, and it was nice to be able to sit with family and reminisce about all of the good memories we had and what all Grandmother was able to do in her life. Monday we were supposed to leave at Madelyn's nap time, but we were able to push this off and did not leave until around 9 or 10. When it came time to say goodbye, I was again unsure of what to say or do. Trish took Madelyn over next to Grandmothers bed, and Madelyn kept trying to get into bed with Grandmother. Uncle Kevin who was in the room at the time said to go ahead and let her sit down with Grandmother.(Thanks, I don't know that I would have done that.) I was a bit nervous, as we have recently been working with Madelyn on soft touches, essentially nicely rubbing someones arm, instead of slapping at them. So we put her down slowly and hovered over her to make sure Madelyn was going to do OK. Anyway when we put her down on the bed she started to softly stroke Grandmothers arm, and then started to say ''Hi" fairly loudly consistently and blow Grandmother kisses. At that point in time Grandmother opened her eyes moved her head and started moving her mouth in kiss like motions back to my little girl. She then kept her eyes open for us to tell her we loved her, thank her for everything she had done for us, and all the memories that she had given us. Finally I asked her to watch out for my baby girl, gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye, and then began the long trip back to KC. I have a lot of memories of my Grandmother, as a strong, beautiful woman, and as a rock that held our family together in good times and bad. I remember her dancing at weddings, telling us to get the hell out of the kitchen, and making sure she always got her hugs when we came to see her and also when we left. I remember her bragging about Madelyn at the Catholic Care center rehab when we came to see her, and how nervous she was when Madelyn was first learning to walk at her house.( I thought it was because she didn't want her to get hurt, but looking back maybe she was nervous about the possibility of blood on the carpet.) I could fill a book with the number of happy memories, and the things that always amazed me about her ability to enjoy life, and unending willingness to help out in whatever way she could. Despite all of these amazing memories when I think of her the first thing that comes to mind is our final goodbye. She always had a unique ability to make everyone feel special, and despite the fact that so many of her abilities had been taken from her, she was still trying to blow kisses and do what she could to make my little girl happy. Madelyn may not always remember this, but I can assure you it is something I will never forget. When I look back and remember you, I choose to remember the fact, that until the very last moment I saw you, you gave what you could to me and my family. Lying in that bed you may not have looked like the strong fearless woman I had known, but in that moment you showed me that even till the very end, you had the determination and strength to do what you could to make life just a little bit better for us. Grandmother I love you and will miss you forever, but am comforted by the fact that today's hurt and loss, will be replaced tomorrow by the smiles and laughter of a lifetime worth of happy memories that you gave us all. Rest in peace God knows you deserve it and watch over your family from above, God knows we need it.